LOL!
>-----Original Message-----
>From: tOM Trottier [mailto:Tom@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]
>Sent: Monday, July 28, 2003 9:57 PM
>To: olympus@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>Subject: Re: [OM] The Fine Art of Increasing the Value of Fine Art
>
>
>....
>> John's Quick Guide to the Fine Art of Increasing the Value of Fine
>> Art:
>>
>> 1. Simplicity of line and shape:
>> Rounded, smooth surfaces with one curved line, two at the most, work
>> best. An oval or oblong hole in an odd location somewhere
>off-center is a
>> bonus. Value is inversely proportional to complexity of
>line, shape and
>> texture.
>
>So much for Jackson Pollock.
>
>>2.. Abstraction:
>> The more it makes "normal" people wonder what it is, and why
>you made
>>it,
>> the more valuable it is. The value of artwork is directly
>proportional to
>> its "enigma factor."
>
>So much for Rembrandt.
>
>> 3. Title:
>> Works in conjuntion with the abstraction. The best titles
>are formed
>> by
>> using a noun followed by a past-tense action verb, and then
>a two-digit ODD
>> number: "Pyramid morphed #49" would work exquisitely to
>desribe a long
>> twisted mass with only round surfaces, no sharp edges, no
>straight lines,
>> and having an oblong hole somewhere. The more the sculpture
>makes them
>> wonder how you got to it starting from a pyramid shape that
>it no longer
>> bears any resemblance to, the better. The number makes them
>think you've
>> done an entire series of different ones, studying the
>> concept. Single-digit is no good; it's too early in the concept and
>> implies it's too simplistic. Triple-digit implies you've
>studied it to
>> death and should have moved on to another concept; that
>you're stuck in a
>> rut and are likely at a nadir in your career. Two-digit
>though indicates a
>> concept that's mature in your study of it, and therefore is
>at the zenith
>> of sophistication and complexity.
>
>So much for Mona Lisa.
>
>> 4. Hob-Nobbing with Patrons:
>> It is supremely important to be able to mix properly with the
>> eccentric
>> millionaires who think they know about art. Potential
>buyers want to meet
>> the artist. Gallery directors want to put them on parade,
>as if they're
>> one of the art pieces. You want to appear worldly and
>cosmopolitan, not
>> provincial, and NOT from wherever you happen to be at the
>time, but from
>> somewhere eles far away. But . . . you cannot let them get
>to know you too
>> much. You must appear to be somewhat an enigma . . . that
>your brain is
>> wired completely differently from the rest of the "normal"
>world . . . and
>> that is how you attain the "artistic visions" for your works
>that mere
>> mortals can never hope to achieve.
>
>So much for Damian Loeb
>
>> 4a. Attire:
>> Dress oddly. Not "geek" . . . just weird . . . there is a
>> difference. Monotone works, especially all black
>(Fall/Winter) and very
>> heavy in fabric weight, or all white (Spring/Summer) and
>very light in
>> weight. Wear a hat. Not a ballcap! No beret!!
>Fall/Winter: trilby
>> fedora; same color as monotone clothing. If it's cold, wear
>a trenchcoat
>> or long heavy overcoat that falls below the knee.
>Spring/Summer: panama
>> fedora. Regardless of season, wear a sport-coat:
>coarse-woven tweed, or
>> even better, corduroy; denim might work if it's the right
>color; white
>> linen may also work with monotone white. No blazers! Definitely no
>> suits!!! Most definitely NO tie!!!! Turtle-neck (Winter
>only) or band
>> collar. A coat must be worn as if it's a cape, and it's
>never taken off
>> indoors, even if you're sweltering. In other words, you put
>it over your
>> shoulders without putting your arms in the sleeves. This
>takes a bit of
>> practice in moving about, sipping wine, nibbling on cheese
>cubes, and not
>> letting it fall off your shoulders. Fitting your shoulders,
>nape of neck
>> and draping down over your back well helps. That's all you
>need worry
>> about in buying one. Sleeve length doesn't matter as you'll
>never use
>> them, and proper taper at the waist isn't important as
>you'll never button
>> it. Jackets or parkas are a NO NO! So are mittens, unless
>they're woven
>> wool and have the ends cut off where the fingertips go. Use
>pinking shears
>> to do this and play with the ends a bit as you want a bit of
>> fray. Otherwise, it's leather dress gloves. Italian woven
>leather loafers
>> work with white; Doc Martens with black. No sandals and no
>> tennie-floppers. Socks are optional. Shoes are optional if you're
>> sufficiently avant garde with the rest to get away with it.
>
>So much for Lee Miller.
>
>> 4b. Name Dropping:
>> Learn the names of the major, nationally known galleries. Learn the
>> names
>> of a half-dozen or so major, nationally known sculptors and
>a little about
>> their work (style, school, etc.). Make and memorize an
>outline of the
>> major periods of European and American sculpture, and the
>major historical
>> "schools." Be able to drop a handful of famous names, at
>least two from
>> each period. Europeans: know their nationalities.
>Americans: know their
>> region (New England, Mid-West, Deep South, etc.).
>
>You have to speak?
>
>> 4c. Eloquence:
>> Learn what the "formal elements" are: point, line, shape, texture,
>> value
>> (light versus dark), color, space. Practice forming arcane
>and esoteric
>> sentences mixing in these terms with artists names: "I
>admire how Edward
>> Weston used nothing but shape and value to create a sense of
>depth and
>> space in his still lifes." Speak about your works already
>being present in
>> the masses of clay before you start; that you have a
>"vision" of what it
>> is; and you simply remove the excess clay to reveal it.
>Avoid conversing
>> long with those who have university degrees in Fine Art.
>They'll know more
>> than you, ask probative questions about what you think about
>artists,
>> "schools," periods and/or styles, and your facade will crumble.
>
>It is best to be entirely incomprehensible, but horny
>
>tOM
>
>> Hope this helps!
>>
>> -- John
>---- Quidquid latine dictum sit altum viditur ----
> ,__@ tOM Trottier +1 613 860-6633 fax:+1-270-596-1042
> _-\_<, 758 Albert St.,Ottawa ON Canada K1R 7V8
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>
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