....
> John's Quick Guide to the Fine Art of Increasing the Value of Fine Art:
>
> 1. Simplicity of line and shape:
> Rounded, smooth surfaces with one curved line, two at the most, work
> best. An oval or oblong hole in an odd location somewhere off-center is a
> bonus. Value is inversely proportional to complexity of line, shape and
> texture.
So much for Jackson Pollock.
>2.. Abstraction:
> The more it makes "normal" people wonder what it is, and why you made it,
> the more valuable it is. The value of artwork is directly proportional to
> its "enigma factor."
So much for Rembrandt.
> 3. Title:
> Works in conjuntion with the abstraction. The best titles are formed by
> using a noun followed by a past-tense action verb, and then a two-digit ODD
> number: "Pyramid morphed #49" would work exquisitely to desribe a long
> twisted mass with only round surfaces, no sharp edges, no straight lines,
> and having an oblong hole somewhere. The more the sculpture makes them
> wonder how you got to it starting from a pyramid shape that it no longer
> bears any resemblance to, the better. The number makes them think you've
> done an entire series of different ones, studying the
> concept. Single-digit is no good; it's too early in the concept and
> implies it's too simplistic. Triple-digit implies you've studied it to
> death and should have moved on to another concept; that you're stuck in a
> rut and are likely at a nadir in your career. Two-digit though indicates a
> concept that's mature in your study of it, and therefore is at the zenith
> of sophistication and complexity.
So much for Mona Lisa.
> 4. Hob-Nobbing with Patrons:
> It is supremely important to be able to mix properly with the eccentric
> millionaires who think they know about art. Potential buyers want to meet
> the artist. Gallery directors want to put them on parade, as if they're
> one of the art pieces. You want to appear worldly and cosmopolitan, not
> provincial, and NOT from wherever you happen to be at the time, but from
> somewhere eles far away. But . . . you cannot let them get to know you too
> much. You must appear to be somewhat an enigma . . . that your brain is
> wired completely differently from the rest of the "normal" world . . . and
> that is how you attain the "artistic visions" for your works that mere
> mortals can never hope to achieve.
So much for Damian Loeb
> 4a. Attire:
> Dress oddly. Not "geek" . . . just weird . . . there is a
> difference. Monotone works, especially all black (Fall/Winter) and very
> heavy in fabric weight, or all white (Spring/Summer) and very light in
> weight. Wear a hat. Not a ballcap! No beret!! Fall/Winter: trilby
> fedora; same color as monotone clothing. If it's cold, wear a trenchcoat
> or long heavy overcoat that falls below the knee. Spring/Summer: panama
> fedora. Regardless of season, wear a sport-coat: coarse-woven tweed, or
> even better, corduroy; denim might work if it's the right color; white
> linen may also work with monotone white. No blazers! Definitely no
> suits!!! Most definitely NO tie!!!! Turtle-neck (Winter only) or band
> collar. A coat must be worn as if it's a cape, and it's never taken off
> indoors, even if you're sweltering. In other words, you put it over your
> shoulders without putting your arms in the sleeves. This takes a bit of
> practice in moving about, sipping wine, nibbling on cheese cubes, and not
> letting it fall off your shoulders. Fitting your shoulders, nape of neck
> and draping down over your back well helps. That's all you need worry
> about in buying one. Sleeve length doesn't matter as you'll never use
> them, and proper taper at the waist isn't important as you'll never button
> it. Jackets or parkas are a NO NO! So are mittens, unless they're woven
> wool and have the ends cut off where the fingertips go. Use pinking shears
> to do this and play with the ends a bit as you want a bit of
> fray. Otherwise, it's leather dress gloves. Italian woven leather loafers
> work with white; Doc Martens with black. No sandals and no
> tennie-floppers. Socks are optional. Shoes are optional if you're
> sufficiently avant garde with the rest to get away with it.
So much for Lee Miller.
> 4b. Name Dropping:
> Learn the names of the major, nationally known galleries. Learn the names
> of a half-dozen or so major, nationally known sculptors and a little about
> their work (style, school, etc.). Make and memorize an outline of the
> major periods of European and American sculpture, and the major historical
> "schools." Be able to drop a handful of famous names, at least two from
> each period. Europeans: know their nationalities. Americans: know their
> region (New England, Mid-West, Deep South, etc.).
You have to speak?
> 4c. Eloquence:
> Learn what the "formal elements" are: point, line, shape, texture, value
> (light versus dark), color, space. Practice forming arcane and esoteric
> sentences mixing in these terms with artists names: "I admire how Edward
> Weston used nothing but shape and value to create a sense of depth and
> space in his still lifes." Speak about your works already being present in
> the masses of clay before you start; that you have a "vision" of what it
> is; and you simply remove the excess clay to reveal it. Avoid conversing
> long with those who have university degrees in Fine Art. They'll know more
> than you, ask probative questions about what you think about artists,
> "schools," periods and/or styles, and your facade will crumble.
It is best to be entirely incomprehensible, but horny
tOM
> Hope this helps!
>
> -- John
---- Quidquid latine dictum sit altum viditur ----
,__@ tOM Trottier +1 613 860-6633 fax:+1-270-596-1042
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