Here endeth the Oz Tourist Board commercial...
On 18 November 2011 10:21, Andrew Fildes <afildes@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> Mossies - yeah, the size of a small Cessna.
> Snakes - you don't ever want to meet a Taipan or King Brown - none of that
> pussy rattling warning nonsense.
> Spiders - Sydney Funnel Web is aggressive and kills fast. Redback hides
> under outdoor toilet seats and really gives you the sh*ts. Huntsman is
> non-venemous but gets you in a headlock and chews you a bit.
> Sand Bur? We have tiny Sand Flies that will go straight through a
> flyscreen and bite the crap out of you.
> Ticks - big fat ones designed to bite through reptile scales and
> potentially deadly to humans and dogs.
> Scorpions - they're around but we don't worry much about them - the rest
> of the critters are much worse.
> Beer - it doesn't keep the flies off but after a while, you don't care.
> Hats - made from rabbit felt. If something tries to bite you, offer your
> hat. It'll give you a fighting chance. Most good hats are sweat stained and
> have a few tooth holes in them.
> Grass fires - move faster than a man can run so you run back through them.
> Bush fires are a serious problem. I've heard that prayer or booze dulls the
> worry - or both.
> Train tracks - across the Nullabor Desert - longest straight run in the
> world and then there's one curve - one.
> Belching - see beer.
> Beans - are for vegans. We eat steak and damper (look it up).
> Fire ants - don't have. We have bull ants - bull for bulldog 'cos they
> don't let go. About two inches long and assertive. First time I met one I
> thought I'd stood on a red hot needle. Then there are the slightly smaller
> meat ants - guess why they're called that. Killed a nest of them once - it
> took several litres of diesel.
>
> Self what? What dya mean? You looking for a stoush?
>
> You forgot -
> Lizards - Parenti get up to two metres and move fast. They'll go you.
> Goannas aren't quite as big but if they panic, they run up the nearest tall
> object - usually a tree but in the Nullabor (no-tree) it could be you. The
> big sharp claws hurt as they dig into your hat.
> Saltwater Crocs (they would eat an alligator).
> - note: do not try the hat trick. Take a dog with you. They prefer dog to
> human.
> Sea wasps and Irkandji - large and small jellyfish that cause agony so
> intense that it can kill.
> Sharks, various. Been a few deaths by Great White this year.
> Stonefish and Cone Shells - lethal.
> Blue-ringed Octopus - equally so.
> Summary - stay out of the water.
>
> There's a reason that most of us cower in coastal cities - it's bloody
> scary out there.
>
> Now if any of the above is expressed in an unfamiliar vernacular, check
> with Bazza O. - he just dropped in for a day and a bit on his way to Bali
> (planning a piss-up in Kuta Beach no doubt) and learned a bit of the local
> lingo. Mangled it a bit, but.
>
> Andrew Fildes
> afildes@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
>
>
> On 18/11/2011, at 2:03 PM, WayneS wrote:
>
> > I'm sure everything in OZ could put a Texan to shame. skiters, snakes,
> > spiders, sand burs, ticks, scorpions, beer, hats, grass fires, train
> tracks,
> > belching, beans, farts, fire ants, and self aggrandizement.
>
> --
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