I guess we lucked out. We had just relocated from Washington State to
Maryland when
my father died in Arizona. My older daughter who had recently graduated from
High school
jumped at the chance to go live with my mother in Arizona - they were in a
seniors only
development in Tucson - after my mother died, I stayed for a short while in
their place
as I sorted things out and settled the estate. Long enough to evaluate my
surroundings.
Personally, I would go nuts if all my neighbors were senior citizens. I know
my wife feels
the same way. Being with younger people is what keeps you alive... not just
"Waiting for god."
That's my $0.02 as , I think, the second oldest on this list.
Rick
On Sat, Apr 16, 2011 at 10:59 AM, Chuck Norcutt <
chucknorcutt@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> Charlie asked why I didn't choose to live in North Carolina near my
> daughter instead of Florida in a small retirement community. I responded
> that there are many variables in that equation.
>
> One of the principal reasons is that my wife and I are long used to
> separation from our families. I left my parents home 50 years ago and
> for all that time have lived some 2700 or 2200 miles away from them.
> I've lived in New York, Virginia, Florida or Massachusetts while my
> parents lived in Los Angeles or Las Vegas. My sister (until very
> recently) lived in Oxnard, CA and my two brothers have lived in Dallas,
> TX for at least 40 years. My son chose to remain in the Buffalo area
> after he married. We're only 3-1/2 hours drive from each other now but
> for most of the time since then I lived either in south Florida or
> Boston. My daughter attended Auburn University in Alabama (at the time
> we lived in Florida) but met and married another Auburn grad also from
> south Florida. They chose to live in North Carolina because that's
> where both found good jobs in the same town. They'll probably stay
> there for a long time since they've just started building a new house.
> But if the right opportunity arose I know that they'd both choose to go
> back to Florida which is where they grew up in their high school years.
>
> I see my children and grandchildren about 3-4 times per year. I used to
> see my parents only once every couple of years but a bit more frequently
> since my mother died about 12 years ago. That has changed now and this
> year I'll see him twice... not only to see him but also to give my
> sister some well deserved breaks to go back to California and visit her
> own kids. A year ago my sister's husband died and she had no place to
> go except to move in with my father. That turned out to be a blessing
> for my father (and me) since not long afterward it became clear that he
> was no longer capable of driving or of living alone. Two years ago I
> went to visit him to help him buy a new car. On that visit I noticed
> some minor memory problems when he was stressed over something.
> Although he did fine during the day I also saw that he could not see
> well enough to drive safely at night and convinced him to stop. Since
> my sister arrived he has gone down hill at a more rapid rate. He
> exhibits many more memory problems, his vision has deteriorated even
> more such that he can't drive at all and my sister reports that (just as
> Jeff reported) he sometimes has dreams that he can't seem to separate
> from reality. At least that's where we think some of his occasionally
> bizarre notions originate.
>
> His entire social life since my mother died some 12 years ago revolves
> around going to the casino every day where he plays Bingo amongst
> friends which he has known for many years. Those folks are there doing
> exactly the same and sit in the same seats every day. When he realized
> he was beginning to deteriorate and might not be able to live alone he
> told me he wanted to come and live with me. When I reminded him that
> New York is cold and snowy in the winter and that we don't have a casino
> full of his old friends to play Bingo with he soon changed his tune.
>
> The fact that my sister is there now to take care of him was truly
> unfortunate for her but a blessing for my father, me and my brothers. I
> don't know what we would have done otherwise. My sister is now
> partially dependent on my father for financial support and my brothers
> are in no position to provide any financial support to either one of
> them. Should he ultimately need nursing home care or anything beyond
> the assisted living my sister provides it will be a traumatic event
> emotionally and financially for him and everyone else.
>
> Unlike Chris, I don't see senior living facilities as segregated living
> in the sense that he seems to see it. I very much like living in that
> "segregated" Florida community amongst people of my own age and
> interests. A true nursing home is much different than a senior living
> facility. The fact that you're in a nursing home means you're suffering
> from some significant physical or mental disability and need relatively
> constant care. Your mobility may be significantly impaired which is a
> major deterrent to a social life. But a senior living facility with
> assisted care is a much different thing since you are free to join in
> the social life of the facility (which may be much more than you had at
> home). My wife's aunt spent considerable time in an assisted living
> facility after he husband died. She thrived there amongst many friends.
> But that all changed when she eventually had to be moved to a true
> nursing home when she became bed ridden. Her more mobile friends
> gradually drifted away from her and ultimately we had to move her from
> Washington, DC to a local NY nursing home so she would be close enough
> to visit and also due to the very high cost in the Washington metro
> area. She went rapidly down hill from there and seemed to lose any will
> to live.
>
> So, Jeff, I would advise choosing the senior living facility. I think
> she will find friends, adapt and be just fine. But a true nursing home
> is a different thing altogether. Just hope that it's ultimately not
> required.
>
> Chuck Norcutt
>
>
>
> On 4/15/2011 1:04 PM, Jeff Keller wrote:
> > I would love to hear of an alternative to age segregation ...
> >
> > - When my mother was recovering from a broken back in a nursing facility
> she
> > literally went crazy: couldn't separate dreams from reality. I don't know
> > how much was due to interrupted sleep and how much was due to drugs. I
> was
> > worried that she wouldn't ever recover ... fortunately she mostly has.
> > If/when she goes back into a nursing home because of another injury, I'm
> > afraid she would lose her mind.
> >
> > - It would be extremely difficult financially to move her next to me. It
> is
> > currently a 3 hour round trip to go help her. Basically the relative
> > availability of jobs in Silicon Valley pushes up the cost of housing to
> > about 4 times that of a comparable house in an otherwise comparable
> > neighborhood about 60 miles and thus 1.5 hours away.
> >
> > - If she moves into senior housing, nursing help and food would be
> available
> > from full-time employees.
> >
> > - If she moves into a single family home closer to me (perhaps 15 miles
> away
> > would be affordable) she won't know anybody in the neighborhood and I
> still
> > wouldn't be able to go over to her house every day. Help would have to be
> > provided by a person working part-time and thus probably be someone who
> is
> > struggling with their own problems. This seems to have far too little
> > benefit versus the problems.
> >
> > - A small condominium near me would cost more than her single family
> house
> > is worth but is probably the only economically achievable way of getting
> her
> > close enough to me that I could visit her nearly every day. If she lost
> her
> > ability to walk (like my father did) a care-giver would have to be nearby
> > essentially 24 hours a day. Although a condominium would avoid age
> > segregation, at some point it's possible that she would have to move
> again
> > when she was weakest or "strangers" would have to be hired to help her.
> >
> > I would really appreciate any ideas how you have dealt or plan to deal
> with
> > the frailties of age.
> >
> > Jeff Keller
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Chris Barker [mailto:ftog@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx]
> > Subject: Re: [OM] Good imagery
> >
> > ..., but the idea of segregation for the old, voluntary or not, is
> > unattractive to me.
> >
> > Chris
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> --
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