Jeff, my situation is slightly different, in that neither of my parents faced a
prolonged period of needing care. My sister lives in Poland, my parents lived
in Denmark, I lived in different countries, the US, then back in Europe from
1995. A big reason for moving back to Europe was precisely that I wanted to be
closer to my parents both so that I could see them more often and also so that
I would be there in case I was needed. My mother was 72 and my father 70 at the
time.
The first instance of need arose when my father had a heart attack in 1999. The
fact that I lived in Brussels made it infinitely easier for me to get to
Copenhagen (1.5 hour flight or 900 km drive). He recovered fully, but during
the subsequent weeks my sister and I spent significant time in Denmark, yes. We
also made plans for our mother for what we thought would be the inevitable at
some point, that she would be widowed. We decided at that time that we would
get to move to Poland and get a small apartment near my sister. That would have
been manageable for all of us. She was in good health and so statistically this
is what we could expect.
Life plays its tricks, however. In the winter of 2001 she was diagnosed with
pancreatic cancer and died 3 months later. My father was devastated, and it
fell to me to arrange everything afterwards. My sister helped by being there,
of course, but since she does not speak Danish I had to do most of the legwork.
My father remained living in Copenhagen. The authorities provided for a
cleaning person to come a couple of times a week. He did not need any other
assistance on the physical level. His doctor was nearby and the whole
infrastructure of the Danish welfare state was there for him. So yes, from that
point of view I had it easier than you folks on the other side of the Atlantic.
I was living in Switzerland at the time, just a bit out of driving range (1200
km Zurich-Copenhagen, hard to do if you are only going for a weekend), but
thanks to low-cost airlines it was not too much of an issue. When I needed to
go for whatever reason, I went. In 2003 I moved to the Netherlands and was now
within easy driving range of Copenhagen, 750 km. My father died in November
2004, on my 44th birthday...
So yes, I adjusted my life and put in time well beyond phone calls. Sometimes I
felt bad that I lived far away, but then again I saw my parents as often or
more often than some of my friends who lived in the same country as theirs.
My wife's parents live in Puerto Rico, are in their early 70s, and at some
point she will be going through these issues. One difference is that she has 2
brothers and 2 sisters, all of whom live on the island--including a brother and
sister within 1 mile of their parents' house.
Cheers,
Nathan
Nathan Wajsman
Alicante, Spain
http://www.frozenlight.eu
http://www.greatpix.eu
http://www.nathanfoto.com
PICTURE OF THE WEEK: http://www.fotocycle.dk/paws
Blog: http://www.fotocycle.dk/blog
YNWA
On Apr 16, 2011, at 4:32 AM, Jeff Keller wrote:
> I was hoping that people on the other side of the pond would have at least
> some very different ideas...
>
> So Nathan, have you left your family to go live with an ailing parent for
> months? Have you driven a thousand miles a week for months to help them?
>
> Did you still have someone to come home to after doing this? Did the someone
> you come home to have to deal with a very similar problem at the same time?
>
> Did your neighbors complain about the four foot high weeds at your own house
> after it was abandoned for a couple months?
>
> Phone calls are cheap. Sounds like a great solution.
>
> Jeff Keller
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Nathan Wajsman [mailto:photo@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx]
> Sent: Friday, April 15, 2011 3:42 PM
> To: Olympus Camera Discussion
> Subject: Re: [OM] OT age segregation - was RE: Good imagery
>
> It is all about priorities. I am shocked to hear about the person who would
> not be able to visit his mother every day if she lived 15 miles away. And
> you call your father every few weeks? When both my parents were alive, I
> called them once a day; after my mother died 10 years ago and my father was
> alone for the remaining 3 years of his life, I called him morning and
> evening. I lived in Switzerland and the Netherlands during that time and my
> parents lived in Denmark, so we are talking international calls, but
> fortunately these are a lot cheaper now than they used to be.
>
> To each his own, I suppose.
>
> Nathan Wajsman
> Alicante, Spain
>
>
>
> --
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>
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