I know this as a Gerard Hoffnung monologue from the 1950s. He did some very
funny ones, including the American tourist's guide to London "you must try the
famous echo in the reading room of the British Museum", and "all police
stations display a red light above the door".
The monologue below was turned into a very amusing folk - ish song by an
Irishman whose name escapes me. Brightened my day when I heard it on the way to
work a couple of weeks ago
Julian
> from: Brian Swale <bj@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
> date: Mon, 07 Apr 2003 12:50:06
> to: olympus@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> subject: Re: [OM] ( OM ) Very OT accidentz
>
> Hi
>
> Joel's misfortunes remind me of this story which a famous Welsh MP (whose
> name escapes my memory - might have been Aneurin Bevan (1897 - 1960 )
> related to the Oxford Union. It goes something like this.
>
> The following is an accident report of a bricklayer, which was printed in the
> newsletter of the British Worker's Compensation Board.
>
> Dear Sir,
>
> I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
> Block#3
> of the accident report form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my
> accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following
> details
> will be sufficient.
>
> I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone
> on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found
> that I had some bricks left over which had to be taken down to the ground
> floor.
>
> Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a
> barrel by using a pulley fastened to a beam which was attached to the side
> of the building at the sixth floor, and a rope.
>
> Hauling the barrel to the top and securing the rope at ground level, I went
> up
> to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went
> down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the
> bricks.
>
>
>
>
> To my surprise, I found that the barrel of bricks was much heavier than I was.
>
>
>
> I lost my presence of mind and held firmly onto the rope.
>
>
>
> Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
>
>
> In the vicinity of the third floor I met the barrel which was now proceeding
> downward at an equally rapid speed. ... ... ...
>
>
>
> Here the impact was severe and I suffered a fractured skull, minor abrasions
> to my right shoulder and a broken collar bone.
>
>
>
> The barrel was still heavier than me, and continued unabated to the ground.
>
>
>
> I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand
> had been pulled two knuckles deep into the pulley, suffering severe
> lacerations in the process.
>
>
>
> Fortunately by this time I had regained by presence of mind and was able to
> hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain.
>
>
> The barrel of bricks hit the ground with an impact of some force.
>
>
> The bottom fell out of the barrel and the bricks spilled on to the foot-path.
>
>
> The barrel was now much lighter than me ... .... ....
>
>
> I began to rapidly descend down the side of the building.
>
>
>
> In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.
>
>
> In the sharp impact it inflicted on me two fractured ankles, a broken tooth,
> and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.
>
>
> Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
> seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of
> broken bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
>
>
> I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in
> pain,
> unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go
> of the rope. ... ...
>
>
>
> The barrel was now heavier than the rope .... ... ... ...
>
>
> I respectfully ask for time off to recover from my injuries, and for
> compensation.
>
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