Petitions are not proper for the List!
----- Original Message -----
From: Nathan Wajsman <photo@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: Olympus Camera Discussion <olympus@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Mon, 07 Jan 2013 16:34:49 -0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: [OM] A bit of humour for my British and American friends
This made the rounds back in 2008, during the primaries, and was particularly
motivated by Sarah Palin as far as I recall.
Nathan Wajsman
Alicante, Spain
http://www.frozenlight.eu
http://www.greatpix.eu
PICTURE OF THE WEEK: http://www.fotocycle.dk/paws
Blog: http://nathansmusings.wordpress.com/
Sign my petition against the gun lobby:
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/include-nra-list-terrorist-organizations-group-actively-promotes-killing-us-civilians/GgyPdyy4
YNWA
On Jan 7, 2013, at 4:46 PM, Charles Geilfuss wrote:
> That's pretty good Chuck although the beer part is a little
> outdated. We now have some pretty good suds. Thanks for sharing.
>
> Charlie
>
> On Mon, Jan 7, 2013 at 9:17 AM, Chuck Norcutt
> wrote:
>> A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
>>
>> To the citizens of the United States of America from Her ...Sovereign
>> Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
>>
>> In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent
>> candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
>> hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
>> immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English
>> Dictionary.)
>>
>> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
>> over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota,
>> which she does not fancy).
>>
>> Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for
>> America without the need for further elections.
>>
>> Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
>> circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
>>
>> To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following
>> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>>
>> -----------------------
>>
>> 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,'
>> 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell
>> 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will
>> be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to
>> raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
>>
>> ------------------------
>>
>> 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
>> such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form
>> of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let
>> Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
>> adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the
>> elimination of '-ize.'
>>
>> -------------------
>>
>> 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
>>
>> -----------------
>>
>> 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
>> lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
>> therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns
>> should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out
>> without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready
>> to shoot grouse.
>>
>> ----------------------
>>
>> 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
>> more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be
>> required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
>>
>> ----------------------
>>
>> 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
>> start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time,
>> you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
>> conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
>> understand the British sense of humour.
>>
>> --------------------
>>
>> 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
>> calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
>>
>> -------------------
>>
>> 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
>> are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
>> are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal
>> fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
>>
>> -------------------
>>
>> 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
>> beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to
>> as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
>> referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are
>> pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be
>> due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see
>> what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen
>> Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
>>
>> ---------------------
>>
>> 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
>> good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
>> play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English
>> dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having
>> one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
>>
>> ---------------------
>>
>> 11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
>> proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
>> time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
>> football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
>> or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
>>
>> ---------------------
>>
>> 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
>> host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
>> outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world
>> beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn
>> cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the
>> sting out of their deliveries.
>>
>> --------------------
>>
>> 13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
>>
>> -----------------
>>
>> 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
>> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
>> monies due (backdated to 1776).
>>
>> ---------------
>>
>> 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
>> saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
>> plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
>>
>> God Save the Queen!
>>
>> PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT
>> humor)!
>> --
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>
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