Not being able to drive was the beginning of my mother's decline. My father
had Alzheimer's and became unmanagable for her at home in about 1992 because of
his tendancy to wander. For the six-plus years he wasted away in the best
nursing home available, she missed showing up at 1:00 every afternoon only
three times: twice for deep snow and once because her four-year-old Pontiac
quit on her. She was so regular in her appearance that if she hadn't shown up
by 1:15, the nursing home staff would start calling to see if she was all right.
For her 77th birthday, after calling me to see if I thought she had finally
gone 'round the bend and asking, sort of, as if it mattered, for my permission,
she bought a bright red Cadillac Coupe DeVille to replace the now, in her mind,
untrustworthy Pontiac. Neither she nor my father had ever driven anything but
Chevrolets and Pontiacs, so both myself and the grandkids were tickled at her
spunk. She was stopped in it a couple of times for speeding, but talked her
way out of tickets. She came and went as she pleased, in style and at high
speed.
Then three years ago, at the age of 84, she had to have knee surgery. When her
recuperation wasn't as quick as she thought it ought to be and she was unable
to get up and down the stairs like she used to, couldn't do her gardening, run
out in the back yard to chase the squirrels off her bird feeders, or drive her
red Caddy to the grocery store, she got discouraged, took to bed, and that was
the beginning of the end. She never drove again, and nothing any of us could
do or say could get her out of her funk. It was like watching a train wreck,
but she just gave up. My son and his wife moved in with her, so we were able
to keep her in her own home, in her own bed, until the end. That's what she
wanted, and even up to the last hours, although she appeared to no longer
recognize either me or my son, she seemed to know she was still at home.
Hope all goes well for your mom. Sometimes we have to make difficult choices.
From what I know of you based only on what I read on this list, I know you'll
do what you think is best for her.
Walt
--
"Anything more than 500 yards from
the car just isn't photogenic." --
Edward Weston
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: Moose <olymoose@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>
> Well, I followed instructions before.... I still do wish you well with
> the inevitable emotional aftermath. My mother is about to turn 85 and
> has slipped into that difficult stage where she needs lots of
> assistance, but is still living in the house her family moved into when
> she started high school. She says she doesn't want to live as long as
> her friend who just turned 100, but isn't ready to go yet. So next week
> the visits to assisted living places begin. I am so not looking forward
> to that.
>
> Then she is starting to talk again about driving again. She hasn't
> driven for over a year since she went in for knee replacement surgery. I
> think it may be time to purloin her car keys and hide them. It would be
> safer for her and those out on the road.
>
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