Question of the month:
If you were to be buried in a replica OM body, which would it be?
Say-so: Furniture to die for
05:53 PM CDT on Monday, August 2, 2004
By KIM HARWELL /
When it comes to furniture, I'm quite the recycler.
The couch and chair in my den were passed down by a friend when he moved in
with his significant other (who had significantly better furniture). Until
recently, my "stemware cabinet" was an old bookcase that I had cleverly
converted by removing the books and replacing them with wine glasses. And
when the husband upgraded the TV to a size that no longer fit in our
still-perfectly-serviceable entertainment armoire, I split the sucker in
two -- the lower half now sits next to the television, holding the TiVo, DVD
player, satellite box and other assorted gadgetry, while the upper half
rests in another room, functioning as a freestanding bar.
I will admit to sometimes getting overzealous in my attempts to reduce,
reuse and recycle (there's a ratty blue recliner in my guest room that
should have been kicked to the curb long ago). But even I can't fathom the
idea of buying a coffee table that will not only outlast me but become my
final resting place.
CasketFurniture.com bills itself as "your source for custom casket
furniture . casket novelty products, caskets and coffins, casket plans and
casket wear."
And you thought Six Feet Under was weird.
The company is the brainchild of twentysomething woodworker Mark Zeabin.
When Zeabin's grandmother died, he and his father hard-carved her pine
coffin, lining it with satin. Soon the duo was selling hand-crafted caskets
to the public, at a considerable savings from the thousands of dollars a
traditional coffin can command. Then Zeabin had a brainstorm -- why should
his handmade creations be put immediately into the ground? Or, as he puts it
on his Web site, "Why buy a casket for just one day?"
According to CasketFurniture.com, the Rayonnant Casket Entertainment Center
"comes apart quickly to create your final place of rest. ... After the
casket is removed, the remaining two sides slide together and can be used
for years to come."
Zeabin's line of casket furniture ranges from the cheeky (a casket phone
booth -- "Talk till you drop!" quips its ad line) to the kitschy (casket
stereo speakers, built to order and priced at a hefty $9,850) to the
downright creepy (a birch casket entertainment center billed as a
"contemporary cubic design [that] transforms easily into a 'his & hers'
casket combination").
Pet lovers can get in on the funerary fun with an Art Nouveau cedar hope
chest that converts to a pet casket when poor Fluffy finally goes to the big
litterbox in the sky.
For those without the floor space (or the available funds) for a full-size
casket sofa, there are other macabre options, such as the casket humidor,
the desktop casket pencil case or -- my personal favorite -- the casket
business card holder.
Considering there's a line of T-shirts for sale reading "Stiff" and "Please
drink and drive ... support your local coffin builder," it's easy to see
where you could get the impression that Zeabin and his co-workers are taking
this a little too lightly, but the Web site also offers an extensive line of
books on grief, dying and the death-care business, including an updated
edition of Jessica Mitford's seminal bestseller, The American Way of Death.
The products of CasketFurniture.com are most assuredly not for everyone, but
I suppose when you're buried in your couch you can at least shuffle off this
mortal coil with the assurance that your place of eternal rest will feel
just like home.
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