If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it
immediately WITHOUT reading it.
This is the most dangerous Email virus yet. It will re-write your
hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are
even close to your computer.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's thermostat so all your ice
cream goes melty.
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up
the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch
any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend your new phone number.
It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer
and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company
coming over. It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your
good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.
Badtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give
you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your
gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current
boyfriend/girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and
hotel room to your Visa card.
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet
seat up.
It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bathtub and then
leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase grade-
schoolers with your new snowblower.
It will seduce your grandmother. It doesn't matter if she's dead.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it.
It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your
boss's voicemail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It
is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather
interesting shade of mauve.
[A little humor on a recent subject, from a few years ago. AG]
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