Easy to respond Susan - especially on International Women's day :-)
Most of the above are based on bitter, personal experience. My marriage
survives after 28 years because I bite my tongue a lot. And yes, there is
Oly content.
Andrew
>Male Language Patterns
>
>"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched
>hands, so I'm completely clueless."
* Or - you put it in some cupboard somewhere didn't you dear because your
stuff is useful and mine's just mess. Now, can you remember which cupboard?
>"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
* Meanwhile, I'll be outside mowing the lawn and changing the oil in the
car because you don't include that in your definition of housework.
>"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't
>find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
* Or - I need a regular sex life and I am prepared to change into someone
you think you want in exchange, although you probably won't like me after I
have.
>"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern
>connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
* Or - I know you're not really interested at all, will be bored witless by
the explanation and are only asking because some daytime TV relationship
guru said you should try and fake interest in whatever it is that I'm
doing. OK - the 85mm f2 Zuiko is a very good lens but not as good optically
as the 90/2 Macro because....
* Or (Australian) -it's Secret Men's Business. If I tell you they'll kill me.
>"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the
>table?"
*Or - it's 10pm, I'm hungry and it was your turn to cook tonight. Shall I
go out for pizza or just raid the fridge quietly?
>"It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it
>works."
* Or - how come you don't understand how the car/washing machine/TV/any
other device works and you expect that I do? Is that 'Men's Work?'
>"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the
>remote are dead."
*Fair point. Maybe you can change them this time - you do know how, don't you?
>"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to
>drive like a maniac."
*Or - thanks for taking an hour-and-a-half to find the right frock -
they'll be so impressed. Now hang on tight, we've missed the meal but might
still catch the movie.
>"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard," REALLY MEANS, "I can't
>hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
*Or - you really hate me watching the football, don't you dear. Oh, was I
using the mulcher/hedge trimmer during Oprah? - thoughtless of me!
>"That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"
*My god, you really are STILL talking. I never knew that sandwich fillings
were so complex and fascinating.
>"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love," REALLY MEANS, "I
>forgot our anniversary again."
*Or, sorry dear - what did you get me? Same as last year? Nothing but
grief? How imaginative and thoughtful.
>"You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake."
*Or - Can I choose the movie next time dear?
>"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast
>cars, and naked women."
* So, you want to watch "Sleepless in Seattle" again?
>"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the
>theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the
>Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your
>birthday."
* So kind of you not to remind me so that you can enjoy beating me over the
head with it again. (This has not been a problem for me since the year I
actually forgot my own birthday - "You expect me to remember yours when I
can't even remember my own?")
>"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses," REALLY MEANS,
>"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, wearing a thong."
* Try, "I was just thinking about you and I bought you this thong" and see
what happens. This is a lose/lose situation - don't buy the flowers. The
australian meaning of 'thong' adds something here.
>"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I
>have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm
>hurt."
*Or - I'm so glad I married a nurse (yes I did) because when I do hurt
myself or get sick, she knows no first aid but does know a lot of people
much worse off than me. "Now stop moaning, limp into the kitchen and get
your own bloody coffee - it's not as if you've got terminal cancer/multiple
amputations/brain damage like my last patient.".
>"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel
>near the laundry basket."
*Or - when I work around the house, I may be outside at the time. How come
your definition of housework ends abruptly on the threshold?
>"Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing," REALLY MEANS, "I sure hope I
>think of some pretty soon."
* Secret Men's Business again - I'll explain my behaviour if you explain
yours. Or why does it take a woman with PMT all day to do the ironing -
BECAUSE IT JUST DOES, OK?!
>"What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"
*Or - who did you blame for absolutely everything before I came along?
>"She's one of the rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my
>coffee."
*Or - she's alleging harrassment because I said "hello."
>"I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just
>said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you
>don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
*Or - I'm just too polite and love you too much to admit that I don't give
a shit.
>"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try
>on another outfit. I'm starving."
*Or - We were due there and hour ago, you look like a sack of potatoes in
everything else you've got, yes, you've got a fat bum, I quite like it and
no-one is going to care anyway.
>"I brought you a present," REALLY MEANS, "It was free ice scraper night at
>the ball/hockey game."
* Hmm - so maybe now YOU can scrape the ice off your own car.
>"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are
>hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
*Or - where do you hide my socks (I could find yours OK), why have you
trained or children to be helpless (they can't open a can for themselves?)
and why are you so embarrassed about bodily functions that you conceal the
spare toilet paper in the darkest recesses of a yet to be discovered
cupboard?
>"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will
>ever see us alive again."
*Or - are you holding the map the right way up? Your directions aren't
making too much sense.
>"This relationship is getting too serious," REALLY MEANS, "I like you as
>much as I like my truck."
* A man's relationship with his truck/SUV is no laughing matter!
>"We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans
>them up."
*Or - you do the washing up, I cooked the dinner, rebuilt the
kitchen/laundry/bathroom/cellar over the last couple of years (like
gardening, renovations don't seem to get classified as housework).
>"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly
>capable of screwing it up without printed help."
*Or - they're written in Taiwanese English, I've done this before and I
really appreciate all your helpful advice considering they've supplied one
wrong part, I've just crushed my finger and I'm doing this as a favour to
you as you're too mechanically helpless to fix your own car anyway and too
mean to pay a mechanic.
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